Caring
by tea-and-outer-space
Summary: It was the middle of the night, it was cold, and the man who had broken her heart was standing right before her. She finally glanced up to meet James's gaze. "Why?" Post-movie, James/Zarina Oneshot


Once she had been dubbed the only fairy with Alchemy as a talent, Zarina was given her own little workshop, a bit away from the Dust Depot, and next to a small stream.

There were two parts two it, the front and the back. The back was her workplace, and anyone who would wander back there would find it quite a mess (except for herself, of course). The front was where the dust was stored, wrapped in flower petal bags that matched the color of the dust, on display for anyone to see.

If anyone needed to do anything beyond their normal capabilities, Zarina's workshop was the first place they'd go.

The garden talents were astounded by the pink dust, the tinkers were amazed by the white dust (which worked as a universal adhesive, it could stick anything to anything), the fast flyers were happy to have less work due to the purple dust, and on and on it went, each talent being astounded or amazed or pleased by the corresponding dust color that did their work for them, or made it easier.

It was all rather amazing, even more so when she found that different _shades_ of the same color did different things. For instance, light green would instantly make any animal adore you, even the grumpy ones, which pleased the animal talents immensely, whereas dark green would allow you to make brilliant displays and moving pictures, which absolutely revolutionized all performances by the storytelling fairies.

All of the different dust colors and their functions were documented, of course, and Zarina would eagerly gush over them to anyone who wished to listen. _This shade of blue makes golden dust more potent, so you can fly faster with less, and this light yellow color lets you make rainbows, anywhere! And this rose shade makes people disoriented and sleepy (And yes, I have apologized to the gardeners, I didn't mean to knock half of them out, it was an accident, I swear)._ _Anyways_-_,_and generally the other person would tune out then, unless they happened to love dust as much as she did (which was nearly impossible) or they happened to have a very long attention span. For those unwilling to listen to her ramble on about her experiments, all they'd have to do was ask to see the books.

Sorted into volumes by color, they were simple bound books that explained the various dust types and their uses, and Zarina was happy to loan them to whoever was curious.

However, there was one particular shade that never made it into the books. She never told another soul about it. The dust in question had never entered the workshop, it stayed in a thick cloth bag, hidden under a loose section of flooring in her house.

The shade didn't have a name, because it wasn't just one color. It was blue, mostly, with flashes and green and purple, and if it shimmered the right way in the right light, occasionally red and orange.

She had first discovered it back when she was Captain Zarina, instead of Alchemist Zarina. While the crew would sleep, she would spend her nights experimenting, and one night she happened to knock a few bags over, causing several different colors to bleed into each other.

_She frowned, and tugged on her gloves (Rule Number One: Don't touch suspicious dust, especially if you aren't quite sure what it does. She had made that rule after accidentally burning a cannonball sized hole in the side of the ship, via some yellow dust. Her cabin had received a new porthole that day.). And she briefly wished she was human (because small messes were easier to clean up when you were big) as she pushed the dust in a bag. A few grains accidentally slipped into one of her gloves, and a few grains were all that it took._

_She fell off the desk and onto the floor, and that was quite a shock, but it was muted as she had an even bigger shock a second after: it hadn't hurt. At all. Not one bit despite it being a lengthy fall. She stood, placing a hand on the edge of her desk to help her stand, when the third shock happened: the desk was her size. Not giant, as usual, but regular sized, as if it was built for a fairy. It came up to her waist, and the items sitting on it that where her size moments ago looked rather small._

_She glanced around, and found that everything was her size. The cabin was as big as her old house, back in Pixie Hollow. The chairs weren't enormous, the mug on the desk would have fit in her hand, and the door the crew used to come in the cabin would have worked for her, but the too small door she typically used was just as described: too small._

_Zarina let go of the desk and immediately lurched forward slightly. It was if she was lighter, despite being bigger. As if a weight was taken off of her, and when she reached a hand to feel her back, she found that the weight missing was her wings._

_It struck her then, and the fourth shock of the night was simple: _I'm a human.

_Half of her wanted to run out and steer her ship properly, see the world through larger eyes, and finally converse with her crew without having to look way up or way down or have her whole view blocked by their face. No more relying on others for her food and tea and other things. Exploring Neverland, and the mainland, and the ocean as it was meant to be explored. _

_The other, more worried half thought that it was a bad idea. The crew might not take kindly to her being human, as that meant getting the Blue Dust would be infinitely harder, rendering her almost completely useless to them. She should try the dust again and turn back to normal, and if it didn't work, immediately get to work on finding a dust, or something else, that did._

_She settled on the latter half's choice, and took some of the dust and rubbed it on her hands. Nothing happened at first, but she found herself hoping she went back to her normal fairy self, and in an instant she was small and winged again, perched on the very edge of the very large human sized desk._

Zarina had tested it out several times after that, and found it wasn't just for turning into a human or into a fairy, it was for changing whatever however she'd like. A little bit on her, and just a thought of what she'd want to be, or what she'd want to change. She could change her hair from red-brown to blue, she could change a frog into a bird, she could change a tree into a flower.

It was fascinating, and powerful.

Therefore, she decided it'd be a secret. She wasn't sure how to make more, so she kept it to herself and never used it, hiding it away until it was needed.

It had been a month since she had returned to Pixie Hollow. And she had thought of the dust's need.

That evening, she posted a sign on her workshop that said she was out for the rest of the day, and that the workshop was closed early. She then put a note outside her house, stating that she was sick and did not want to be disturbed, no exceptions.

Before she left, Zarina had grabbed her bag, and placed a small bag of regular yellow dust, and the special dust bag next to it. She had donned her pirate dress, and tried to ignore the fact that she had missed it horribly and was overjoyed to wear it again. Her sword, the only one she had kept, hung by her side, for defense in case if things got messy. With the mission she had planned, things getting messy were almost definite.

Her bag slung over her shoulder, she left, flying discretely out of her home, up, and out of Pixie Hollow.

She headed west for a few minutes at first, so if anyone found her and wondered where she was going, she could say she was simply looking for ingredients in a nearby flower field for an experiment. After making sure no one was following her, she turned left, darted through a dark part of woods, through a small cave, and down a thin trail in the woods, leading to the beach.

The ocean looked amazing that night, the full moon glowing overhead, its light reflecting in every ripple and wave. In the distance she could hear some of the sirens singing, and a soft ticking noise accompanied by light breathing told her the crocodile was asleep in his cave nearby.

She flew low, close to the waves below (but not too close, of course), and took a moment to inhale the salty smell of seawater.

She hadn't left Pixie Hollow since returning, and god, how she had missed the sea. Dust was no doubt the true love of her life, but the sea was a close second. She'd like to think that in another life, she would have been a water fairy.

Zarina wanted nothing more than to linger over the waves, and soak in the peacefulness of the Neverland night, but she knew she had more important things to attend to. She made a silent promise to herself to come back one night soon, and then flew up and to the right, in the general direction of Skull Rock.

The pirates always liked to linger about the menacing rock formation, and that would logically be the first place to look. If they weren't there, there was only a handful of other places they could be.

She eventually found a ship, similar to her old one, anchored near a cove. No one was on watch (the only real threat to pirates at that time were the Indians, but the Indians only attacked just before dawn, and on land. In the water, the pirates were perfectly safe.), and the whole ship was still.

Finding the ship was easy. The second part would be even easier, and the third would be infinitely harder. She paused a moment, briefly considering turning back, and letting sleeping dogs lie. However, she steeled herself, telling herself firmly that this was something she had to do, and continued onward.

Locating the one pirate in particular was the second part, and it was as simple as she expected it to be. She had no doubt that he would be on the new ship, and she knew he wouldn't be in the lower decks. The captain's cabin was the first place she looked, and that was where she found him.

In his typical outfit, sans red hat and coat, sprawled out on his bed, fast asleep. He snored lightly, his hair was spilled out around his face, and he seemed so different than his usual proper awake self. Months ago the sight would have made Zarina smile, but it was the first time she had seen James since he had betrayed her.

A forlorn look crossed her face, and the quiet sadness that she had been fighting constantly to get rid of settled over her again.

Since she had returned to Pixie Hollow, she had allowed herself to cry once and only once. She had returned to her old home shortly after the Fairy Festival, sat down on her bed, and promptly sobbed her eyes out. James had betrayed her. The whole crew, Oppenheimer and Port and Starboard and Yang and Bonito, they didn't care about her at all. That was the second time that people she cared about turned on her, and she had berated herself for trusting them in the first place. For trusting anyone, in the first place. Trust was an idiotic move. You could have your whole world in someone's hands and they could crush in an instant, and trust was what made them capable of doing that.

And so she threw herself into her alchemy, and eventually she allowed herself to let her guard down around the other fairies. She was still wary of trusting, but she didn't completely isolate herself. Faking a smile and working on experiments and acting as if she was happy helped her to believe she actually was, for a while. Perhaps if she had stayed in Pixie Hollow and continued to lie to herself, she might have actually been happy one day, maybe work and fake smiles would have chased all memories of adventures and pirates and betrayals away, and maybe one day she would have been quite content with living in Pixie Hollow.

But she had to have closure, and she had to do this, and so she was there, hovering in the cabin, her eyes set on James.

And seeing James made the sadness come back. It didn't come crashing down upon her like she thought it would, it simply slowly settled over her. Nothing like the sadness she had felt the night she sobbed, that sadness was raw and pulsing and it hurt horribly, it consumed her whole being and made her feel as if she was drowning.

This sadness was different. It was a small weight in her chest, a quiet reminder in the back of her mind, and a tiny little pain in her heart.

She had become good at shoving emotions aside after a whole month of doing so, and did so then, focusing on the reason that she had came.

Zarina flew over to the bed, and slipped a hand into her bag, taking out a small handful of the multi-colored dust. She took a deep breath, and sprinkled it over James, keeping in mind what she wanted.

James's nose twitched, and he awoke with a sneeze. That was enough to surprise him, but what surprised him even more was that when he awoke he was a mere five inches tall.

He scrambled to his feet, trying to balance on the uneven surface of the mattress, and Zarina almost found his panic amusing. Almost.

She flew a little lower and closer, surprised he hadn't noticed her yet, but he was too caught up in his new size to notice anything else.

"Hello, James."

His head snapped up in an instant, and a range of emotions crossed his face, surprise, anger, and complete confusion.

"Zarina?" he questioned, before scowling. "What did you do to me?"

"All I did was shrink you, and I will reverse it, soon. But first, we need to talk," Zarina answered, trying to keep her voice even and emotionless.

James crossed his arms, and scowled again. "Well then, get to talking."

"Not here."

Her hand reached into her bag again, this time taking some of the golden dust. She flew even closer, and coated James with it. She motioned for him to follow her, and then exited the cabin, flying out of the porthole.

James did follow, reluctantly. He hadn't flown since he had seen her last, but he remembered how to well enough, it was simple. Lean left, fly left, lean right, fly right. Legs closed, arms by his sides for speed. Flying was a bit like riding a bicycle, once you learned how to you never really forgot.

Out of the porthole and across a bit of ocean, back to the island. Zarina darted over the beach and headed into the woods, before landing down on a mossy log at the edge of a clearing. There was enough moonlight so she could see everything clearly, and a handful of possible escape routes in case things went sour. Perfect.

James landed a just few inches away, and she noted he was rather tall for someone fairy sized. Had she stood right next to him, she would have only came up to a bit below his shoulders. He had been tall as a human too, though, so maybe he was just simply tall.

"Well?" he prompted.

Zarina, however, wasn't quite ready to broach the main topic, and settled for small talk.

"How's the crew been?"

"Fine, mostly. A few of them left, some died, got a few new members."

"And a new ship, I noticed."

"Yes. You stole my old one."

"After you stole it from me."

"It was mine to begin with."

"Fair enough. Any good plunder, lately?"

"You _know _we're stuck here without dust. We can't leave the island, how can we steal anything?"

"Right." She nodded, and nudged some moss with her foot. The entire situation seemed too awkward, and she was tempted to just fly away right then and there.

Silence settled for a moment, before being hesitantly broken.

"So, did you go back to Pixie Hollow?"

"Yeah, I did."

"I thought they didn't appreciate you there," James commented, and Zarina couldn't tell if he was genuinely curious or simply trying to make her upset.

"They don't, I mean, they didn't. They do now. I think. My dust is pretty useful there, so I've earned my place back. They've welcomed me back and seemed pretty happy I returned, so..."

"Hmm."

A soft wind fluttered, enough to chill Zarina. It was the middle of the night, it was cold, and the man who had broken her heart was standing right before her. While she had been staring at the moss beneath her intently before, she finally glanced up to meet James's gaze.

"Why?"

James tilted his head slightly, and was about to ask for clarification, when Zarina simply exploded.

It wasn't just the sadness that had been bottled up for the past month, it was more than that. It was the rage, too. Rage and fear and loneliness. It hadn't just been building up inside for a month, but for a year, beginning the day she was exiled from Pixie Hollow, continuing to the day she was betrayed by her best friend, to that very moment.

It all came rushing out, and she moved closer to him, tears pricking at her eyes, but too consumed with what she was feeling to care. She jabbed a finger to his chest.

"Why, James, why? We were friends. You were my best friend. And you turned on me? Used me like I was nothing? You _knew_ that I had nothing, besides my dust. And you took me in, and you lied to me, and you made me actually care about things again, and you shattered all of that! You tried to _kill_ me, James. I actually let my guard down and cared about you, and you repaid that by crushing my trust and betraying me. And all I want to know is _why_."

He had never seen her so passionate, and to be quite honest, it kind of intimidated him. She was a woman who had control over wind and plants and water and an infinite amount of other things, and she was incredibly pissed at him.

James stumbled back slightly, and Zarina moved even closer.

"I... I wanted to be Captain." He puffed his chest out slightly, and attempted to regain his composure. "Again. It was my ship to begin with, and I wanted out and away from Neverland. Do you think it was fun and I enjoyed it, catering to your every whim for a year?"

"You made me captain! It was your brilliant suggestion that I lead you and the crew, despite me knowing almost nothing about piracy! I didn't even want to be captain, I just wanted to belong!"

"I suggested that so you could stay! The crew wouldn't have wanted you there, considering how little you could actually help with-"

"Are you joking? With my dust I can control most natural forces, I could have made it infinitely easier for all of you. No more sailing through storms, no problems at all! You knew that, and the crew knew that! I could have earned my keep perfectly well, without being captain."

She scowled, and took a step back.

"I was going to teach all of you to fly, and we were going to finally leave Neverland and go to the mainland, and I thought that I finally fit it somewhere, but then my so-called friend tosses me into a lantern and drops me into the ocean to drown."

"I knew you'd get out of it, and if you couldn't those other fairies would have helped. I knew you'd survive."

Zarina let out a sigh, and frowned. "You turned on me, and you tried to kill me, and nothing you say can justify that. So we may as well just drop this conversation."

James nodded, slightly hesitant.

"Are we done here?" he asked.

She shook her head.

"One more question."

"Alright."

She thought for a moment, running the question through her mind. She steeled herself, and asked.

"Did you ever actually care at all?"

She glanced back up at him, and he seemed the slightest bit surprised. An unrecognizable expression crossed James's face, and Zarina cringed, wondering what he was thinking. Maybe she shouldn't have asked something like that, either way, the answer wouldn't be pretty.

James briefly considered lying.

He could just say that she meant nothing, she was simply a little creature with wings who would help a bit and then be entirely disposable. He could say that she was worthless, and useless, and annoying. He could say that he didn't care about her at all.

That would all be a lie, of course.

Truth was, he did care. But he was hesitant to tell her that. If he lied, she would accept that she meant nothing to him, return back to her home, and someday move on, remembering him only as an asshole pirate. If he didn't lie, however, that could totally wreck the poor girl. Being betrayed by someone you thought was your friend was bad enough, but being betrayed by someone who actually cared and yet shoved that all aside for personal gain would be infinitely worse.

But, James B. Hook was a man of his word, no matter how much his word hurt others. Honesty was important to him, and he had sworn that a lie would never pass his lips.

"Yes," he answered quietly.

Zarina's demeanor changed, switching from guarded and recluse, to hurt in an instant.

"Yes, I did care about you. Our friendship was completely genuine. My feelings may have even extended beyond friendship, but I knew our size difference was enough to prevent anything further.

"And before I got to know you and began caring, I had already informed the crew of the plan to use you for the dust. If I had went back on my plan, if I even suggested that we keep you on as a crew member, they would have mutinied in a heartbeat. You and I would be dead. So, I though it was best that I continued with the plan, and become captain again. Yes, you hate me, but you're safe, and we're both alive."

"Oh."

Zarina couldn't say much more.

A sudden rumbling sounded, shaking the clearing and scaring the pair perched on the mossy log.

"Thunder," Zarina said after composing herself. She looked up at the sky and saw that dark gray clouds were covering the sky.

"It's going to rain soon," James said, also looking up at the sky, "We should probably go back before it rains."

"Yeah."

She rose off the log, and without even waiting to see if James was following, sped in the direction of the ship. The cool wind cutting against her face helped clear her head a little, but she still had a bit of trouble processing it all.

James cared.

He admitted it, the whole friendship was genuine and the feelings extended _beyond_ friendship. The unrequited feelings she'd been having for months turned out to not be unrequited after all.

But that made things so much harder. When she had set out to talk to him at the beginning of the evening, she had a simple plan in mind: talk to him, find out what she needed to know, go home, and continue hating him for the rest of her life. Finding out he cared torn up the whole plan; she couldn't just go home and hate him. He had cared, yes he had almost killed her and turned on her, but what he had said almost made it justifiable. Almost.

The whole situation swirled in her mind, and Zarina was confused by the whole thing, and couldn't decide how to react. She could attempt to understand his point of view and believe he did turn on her because he cared, or she could continue as before and hate him for how he turned on her.

Zarina's mind was a scientific one, and this problem she had been presented wasn't one she could solve easily. That bothered her. She would generally break problems down into little pieces, go over them and find solutions to each piece, and give herself time to find the overall answer. She didn't have time to do that now. This one was different, because she was going to have to face James again in a few seconds, and there wasn't anytime to think it all over. Any decisions she'd have to make would be quick ones.

Zarina arrived at the ship all too soon, and flew into the porthole. She settled on James's desk, and he soon flew in too, landing close to her. Lightning briefly illuminated the darkness outside, and in a few moments thunder sounded. She sat down, dangling her feet off the edge of the desk, resting her cheek on her hand and her elbows on her knees. James sat next to her, and they simply sat there, with the occasional rumble of thunder breaking the silence.

"I should probably go home soon, before it starts raining," she said, after a few minutes. "Can't fly with wet wings, and I'd prefer not to walk."

James nodded.

"Y'know, I just noticed something," he said.

"What?"

"This is the first time I've heard your voice."

She looked over at him, he was staring down at the ground, deep in thought. "Really?"

"Yeah. Before, all I heard was bells jingling, but I still understood what you were saying, if that makes any sense. This is the first time I'm actually hearing you speak, instead of bells."

"Hmm. That's interesting."

"It is."

"I-I really should go."

"It was nice seeing you again. I'm glad that you're doing fine," he replied, awkwardly.

"Fine is a vague term, and I'm not sure if it applies."

She stood, and was about to grab the dust to turn James back to his regular size when she paused. James, who had also stood and was currently watching her, wondered just what was running through her mind.

Her hand fell to her side, and she looked back up at him.

"So you actually did care?" she asked, her voice quiet.

"Yes," he answered, and his serious tone told her that he was being completely honest.

"And our friendship was real?"

"Yes."

"And you betrayed me so you and me wouldn't get killed by the crew, and you never actually wanted me to die?"

He glanced away for a second, before meeting her eyes again.

"Yes. I do apologize, and I would have explained it all to you before everything went down, but that could have jeopardized the whole thing. I wanted you to think I didn't care, and I wanted you to hate me, because then you wouldn't try returning, and you'd be safe."

She nodded.

"I don't like it, and I still am mad that you tried to _kill_ me, even if it was for my own good, but I understand."

She bit her lip, and dared to ask one more thing.

"And your feelings, they were more than just friendly?"

"Yes, but I didn't say anything because of the betrayal planned, and even if that wasn't an issue, there's the height difference. And I was positive you didn't feel anything in return."

Zarina nodded again.

"Well, those feelings weren't unreturned. I just didn't want to say anything because I thought you didn't feel anything," she replied, " And the betrayal is over, and height obviously isn't an issue now with my dust, so..."

James allowed himself to smile.

Issues would arise, when he was involved with anything issues arising were certain, but he couldn't find it in himself to worry about that. There was an infinite amount of reasons why them being together was a bad idea, and another infinity of reasons on why he shouldn't be happy about being with her again. He didn't care at all about those infinities.

Zarina noticed the smile, and held up a finger.

"Before you think too fast, just know that I am still upset about everything, and it will take time for things between us to get back to how they were. I do think we can work things out, but it will be a while before I can fully trust you again."

"I hope we can work things out," James replied.

Zarina smiled. "I hope so too."

Another crack of thunder interrupted the moment, snapping them out of their conversation. Zarina glanced out of the porthole and saw that the sky was darker.

"I really should go, if I don't leave it now I probably won't make it back before it starts pouring down," she said, frowning. She reached into her bag again, and took out a handful of the dust. "Ready to be big again?"

James merely nodded.

"You should probably stand on the floor," she instructed, and James followed.

She sprinkled the dust over him and kept his human size in mind, and in a few seconds James was back to normal.

She smiled at him, and he at her, and she flew over to the porthole to leave.

"When am I going to see you again?" James asked.

Zarina glanced back at him. "Does tomorrow night work for you?"

"Of course."

She grinned, and with that, she exited into the night.


End file.
